Stiny Eats the Earth

The Tragedy of Michael Jackson

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 05:29:27 GMT

I'm sure everyone knows it at this point, but Michael Jackson passed away this afternoon. I heard about it almost as soon as it happened, but have been out all day and unable to write. Being away for a while gave me some time to let the thoughts percolate, though. I've kept my feelings about him bottled up for several years, and I feel like if any time is prudent to let them out, now would be it.

This is the saddest I've been over a celebrity dying since Douglas Adams. This is only the second time I've been close to tears over it, too (I cried when Mr. Adams died). Michael Jackson has had a long, tragic life that ended far too soon. I'm still secretly hoping that this is a hoax, or that he gets resuscitated. Now, before anyone jumps down my throat, screaming "BUT HE'S A CRAZY PEDOPHILE", "LOL PLASTIC SURGERY", or the one that my dad keeps spitting out, "HE ACTUALLY GOT HIT BY A BUS AFTER HE BENT OVER TO PICK UP HIS NOSE! ...'CAUSE IT FELL OFF! ...GET IT?!!", let me put MY spin on it. I think that there's a big piece of the story missing that the mainstream can't understand.

It's my personal belief that Michael was some form of infantilist. I can't say whether it was by choice, in an attempt to reclaim the innocence of childhood that his father never let him have, or if his past trauma caused him to regress to a childlike state as a defense mechanism, but I don't think that it was ever a negative thing. Michael had a purity that very few people can ever hope to come close to. He was extremely intelligent from a very young age, and I think that caused him to see a lot of the pain and strife in the world - including in his own family. His father was cruel, beating him and his siblings whenever they would cry, or say they were tired, or that they didn't want to practice anymore. It seems to me that the only time his father was positive towards them was when their skill in music was being showcased, and there's not even any solid evidence that he was happy with them then.

It makes perfect sense that Michael began to associate happiness and success with performing music, which drove him to become the King of Pop that we all grew to love. That's what he was taught, from the time he was able to use his voice onward. He completely skipped all of the developmental stages where he would have experimented and grown to find what truly made him happy, because he enjoyed music, and that's what he knew he was supposed to do. His mission in life was to entertain, and he wasn't allowed to be happy unless he was performing.

Obviously, this led to a void in his life. Michael never had time to make friends or even learn appropriate social behaviors, because that was time that could have been better spent making music. He also never had time to learn that there are truly negative people in the world, who will manipulate anyone they can in order to feel superior. I think it took him most of his life to realize that his father was one of those people. I'm not even sure that he ever came to terms with that, since typically, he couldn't even bring himself to speak about him. He preferred to block it out, and go back to the things that made him happy.

As stated before, Michael was an extremely intelligent person, and with intelligence often comes sharpened perception and people-reading skills. He despised the cruel nature that most people carry. He probably saw reflections of his father in most adults that he came to know, when all he really wanted was innocence. He wanted to escape human society and flee into a fantasy world, and unlike most people, he was wealthy enough to make it happen.

He crafted his escape from the echoes of his father in the form of Neverland Ranch, where he could stay a child forever, free of all the responsibilities and emotional stress of America and it's dog-eat-dog entertainment business. He could invite what he believed to be the truly good people of the world to stay with him -- Children who hadn't yet matured enough to be corrupted by society. Michael was determined to be a living Peter Pan, and recreate the story as close as he could. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that society would interpret it in a completely different light.

Obviously socially stunted, with no mentor to teach him how to behave around other people when not in the spotlight, the red flags slipped right under his nose (no pun intended). His love of children was brotherly and platonic: anything but sexual. It was a desire for pure, fun, happy times, free of prejudice and criticism. He absolutely could not comprehend how it might seem inappropriate to the outside world, and that was part of his downfall. To him, he was bonding with people that he felt safe and identified with. He was never a sexual creature, especially not in regards to children. He interpreted sexuality as part of the cruel, abusive Adult World that he never understood and was trying to forget. Michael was setting himself up in a real-life hugbox, as best as he could.

Unfortunately for him, people around the world are rabidly protective of their children, and understandably so. There are strange folks everywhere, with mental illnesses and other issues that make kidnapping, pedophilia, and child pornography a constant fear. In this day and age, anyone who looks at a child the wrong way can and will be accused of child abuse. Michael's already abnormal outlook on life, strange physical transformation (which I also believe was an attempt to escape seeing his father in the mirror), and his involvement with children at Neverland Ranch were like a perfectly orchestrated domino setup just waiting to be knocked over.

It was eventually pushed to collapse, of course, by the prodding finger of the infamous child molestation cases of '93 and '94. Once a seed of that magnitude is planted, it's impossible to uproot. The jokes and rumors spread like weeds and permanently lodged themselves into the pop culture of the next two decades, as the world that never understood Michael began to criticize his every move. He ended up placed in front of a jury not of his peers, but of outright enemies that couldn't get inside his head. Not many people can comprehend the idea that there might be a person emotionally and socially broken in a fashion that actually makes them MORE harmless than before, which, in my opinion, is what happened to Michael. He may have been irresponsible, and he may have lacked forethought due to his mental regression, but he was never malicious or harmful. Sadly, the world will never understand that.

For several years, I had been planning to one day write a letter to Michael, explaining to him that I think I understand the way that he feels. I wanted him to know that there was someone else in the world that likes to regress the way he does - I don't expect that he'd ever actually investigate if it was 'normal' to want to surround himself with childlike things to try and run away from the world that hurt him. He was too far regressed to even consider it... so hearing it from another person might have been beneficial. Everyone regresses - Personally, I take time out of every day to watch cartoons and play games I loved as a kid. One huge example would be Sonic The Hedgehog 3, which despite beating several times, I still play daily. The game helped me to appreciate Mr. Jackson's music, too. He composed a great deal of it before being controversially being dismissed from the project right around the same time as the child abuse accusations began.

Everyone in the world is "guilty" of indulging in nostalgia and attempting to reclaim things that they lost, for whatever reason, be it listening to that old mixtape from the time you roadtripped in college, keeping a favorite teddy bear in your bed to snuggle when you don't feel well, or watching a movie you loved as a kid to cheer yourself up. It's just that most of us have not been emotionally and socially shattered to the point where we don't understand that there's a time and place for everything, and sometimes you need to face reality and hide your comfort items.

I'll agree that all the smears and jokes that say Michael Jackson wasn't human are true. He wasn't a being of this society, or any other on our planet. He was something completely different, and most certainly alien to this society, that none of us will ever fully be able to understand -- He was innocent.

RIP Michael Jackson, August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009.
You changed my life. I'm sorry I couldn't change yours.

_{xposted to NFO and FA}

dog o matic

Thu, 28 May 2009 23:36:09 GMT

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1183016/Is-Dog-o-Matic-owners-best-friend.html

I don't give a fuck, this is animal cruelty. Terrifying your pet because you're too lazy to put on shorts and sandals and spray them with a hose and rub some shampoo on them (which they'll have fun with, and if not, they have you there to comfort them)? Come on. How fucking lazy can you be? That animal doesn't know what's going on other than "Master put me in a tiny box. :( AAAH LOUD NOISES. AHH I'M BEING SPRAYED WITH SOMETHING. WHAT IS GOING ON."

God damn, people.

This actually bothers me so much I'm crossposting it publicly to both FA and LJ. >:( seriously wow.

EDIT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qymxCMz3Uzo the cat at the end D: it actually makes me feel vaguely ill, ugh

Wed, 27 May 2009 09:59:54 GMT

Laptop is fixed. Life/brain/etc is not.

HELP

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 10:44:02 GMT

IS THERE A WORD FOR "PAST", "PRESENT", AND "FUTURE" COLLECTIVELY?

This is in reference to the Quetz/Tindalos story, if anyone wondered.
More info on that here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2125626/

[techno] uhhhhhhhh is there a collective word for Past, Present, and Future as one unit?
[techno] not "time periods"
[dragonmaw] time? XD
[techno] besides that XD
[techno] something that i can contrast with three rivers
[techno] "three rivers, three ______s"
[techno] "three times" is awkward and doesn't make a lot of sense in relation to what I'm referencing
[kalu] ages
[kalu] is a generic unit of time
[techno] yeah, but I don't know if it means exactly what I want
[techno] because "the future" isn't a UNIT or PERIOD of time
[techno] it's an intangible concept that stretches forever
[kalu] I know. I was just filling in the blank
[kalu] of course there is no word for grouping past, present, and future into directions. Nobody would say that
[techno] I would. I need it for this comic. GOD DAMN LANGUAGES

[techno] cetafags, i come to you out of desperation, i have a questionnnn
[techno] what would you call Past, Present, an Future collectively? Not "times", not "periods".
[Dofain] era
[CyberDolphin] Hm, no..
[techno] An Era is an actual measure of time, so that doesn't work.
[techno] It has to contrast with the phrase "Three Rivers". In th form of "The Rivers, Three ____s" or vice versa.
[CyberDolphin] What's it for?
[CyberDolphin] I'd probably just call it eternity, or something.
[techno] I've been poring over it for like an hour. It's the title of a picture I worked on all night, for a comic I've been working on. The main character has an affliction that causes him to see the past, present, and future at the same time. He also happens to live in Pittsburgh, PA, and the picture in particular shows him near the Point where the rivers connect.
[techno] So there's a symbolism there that I want to really highlight.
[techno] "Three Times" is almost right, except it implies like.. three instances of something. Rather than the three intangible timechunks of Past present and Future.
[techno] and it's driving me crazy.
[micksam7] I can't think of any words either
[techno] If there isn't a word for "Past Present Future" collectively (and specifically), my faith in language no longer exists.
[micksam7] "Time" would be the only word I can think of.
[Dofain] chronos?
[techno] No, that's a god.
[CyberDolphin] Language sucks. Sometimes I wish people could all just telepathically communicate in concepts and pictures.
[techno] and it just means "time" anyway.
[Dofain] that's greek for time
[techno] Yeah, I know
[techno] unfortunately saying the same word in another language doesn't solve my problem ]:T
[techno] God damn both of my major characters/comics involving abstract concepts of Time and the manipulation thereof
[CyberDolphin] What kinda manipulation?
[techno] I've got to quit making things difficult for myself and script a story about making a sandwich or some shit
[techno] depends on which story you're talking about, but I can't really elaborate too completely on either of them at the moment
[CyberDolphin] "A guy ate a sandwich, and then he took a shit."
[techno] Pretty much.
[techno] That's going to be my top seller.
* CyberDolphin sucks at writing stories.
[techno] I've got a knack for it, but I see everything play as an animation in my head for the most part, so I'm determined to do everything as comics (since animating takes fucking forever), and I'm a massive perfectionist and my best friend is a professional writer (and i used to be) so like... I'm too anal to ever actually produce anything showable
[CyberDolphin] I'm good at talking about concepts (usually) but implementation is lacking.
[CyberDolphin] Curious what this character's able to do, specifically, or generally, or something.
[CyberDolphin] This is gonna be one of those things that bugs me in the back of my mind, I guess.
[techno] Oh, he can't really DO anything. He just constantly sees his future, present, and past at the same time. He has a constant sense of dread and deja vu and is intensely paranoid and jumpy, prone to outbursts/reacting to events that haven't happened yet or already happened, among other things
[techno] A lot of the time he ignores it and can push it to the back of his mind or block it out somewhat, but he still has the nonstop deja vu issues.
[techno] I can't believe there isn't a word for those three words put together. I bet one exists in some weird language like inupiaq or something.
[CyberDolphin] If the past present and future are all together...hmm. Circles?
[CyberDolphin] Like it all comes around and...I dunno
[aphinion-m] now I really wanna read that story o.o
[techno] The thing is, I can come up with metaphors for it fine. But I want an actual word.
[techno] With a real definition rather than an abstract one.
[techno] Because it needs to be painfully clear what I'm referring to.
[aphinion-m] tried a thesaurus about eternity or something?
[techno] That's a good idea.
[aphinion-m] Even in german I don't remember others than metaphores to describe that manner
[CyberDolphin] I'm wondering about the "three rivers" part, too
[techno] I'm thinking about comprimising with either "epochs" or "ages" but still neither of them really fits.
[aphinion-m] why not do it methaphorical?
[CyberDolphin] Since that seems to describe the concept, but...trying to contrast, or compare?
[CyberDolphin] Seems more like you're trying to find a word to use as comparison, I guess. Rivers being a metaphor for X.
[techno] The story takes place partially in the sonoran desert, partially in boston, and partially in Pittsburgh. Those are 3 distinct locations. The main character in this chapter/image is in Pittsburgh, which is the Three Rivers City (the ohio, the alleghenny, and the monongahela). (also is my hometown.)
[techno] The fact that Pittsburgh fits so well with the character is actually complete coincidence, but it's a lucky one.
[CyberDolphin] Hmm.
[techno] so 3 regions, 3 rivers, 3 sections of time.
[techno] but "sections of time"... ugh. So nondescript and clunky.
[CyberDolphin] But is has to be 3 and 3, not like "3 rivers, 1 eternity" or something.
[techno] (thinking of calling the story Three In One, incidentally, but that's just a working title and probably won't stick, especially considering my bigger, more ambitious project is called "Third World Funk" and the titles a little too similar since the stories are in different 'universes')
[techno] Yeah, "3 rivers 1 _____" has a ring to it too, I guess I could use something like that if I had to, but I really wanted to bold underline and highlight that 3 and contrast
[CyberDolphin] past present and future is a trichotomy, or something
[techno] can't say "three trichtomies"
[techno] interesting try though
[Dofain] trichtomies?
[micksam7] 3 rivers of time
[micksam7] annnd that's all I got
[Dofain] ah
[CyberDolphin] It's a triune concept. "being three in one" or something.
[Dofain] ah
[CyberDolphin] But why three rivers? Already heard that time was *A* river.
* CyberDolphin just tosses around ideas and wikipedia ters.
[CyberDolphin] terms
[techno] In relation to Pittsburgh, 3 rivers of time works, considering
[techno] okay
[techno] past and present merge to become the future
[techno] the monongahela and the alleghenny merge to become the ohio
[CyberDolphin] But in a sense, it's still the same connected thing, too.
[CyberDolphin] Branches, or something. Hm
[techno] right. three rivers of time in the context of anything else but the specific configuration of pittsburgh doesn't make a lot of sense because they wouldn't cross
[CyberDolphin] continuum. Hm.
* CyberDolphin finshrugs.
[techno] I guess I'm SOL

PSA

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:38:22 GMT

I semi-permanently turned my phone off and stopped using messengers exactly one week ago.

I'm still reading, just not posting anything because all the bullshit going on in my personal life (online and off) is not really going to be good for anyone to read, let alone for me to further think about by writing.

I am slowly tourniqueting off everything that's been destroying me over the years. When I'm completely empty, I think maybe I can start over again.

where do you move when what you're moving from
is yourself

wacom graphire2 help?

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 05:20:42 GMT

So, the tablet Rask graciously lent to me came today... I installed it, downloaded the current drivers, rebooted, and everything else... and it isn't working right. it works, sort of, but the pen is jerky and it seems like it lags when i try to draw a line. Like it takes a second for it to realize that I'm touching the pad. It's making it impossible to draw.

It's a Wacom Graphire2 (steel blue if that matters)
I'm using Windows Vista.

Nothing I've googled has helped, nothing on Wacom's site has helped. I'm just trying to draw in MSpaint at this point. Not worried about pressure sensitivity or anything. Halp?

Xposted to FA, sorry if you saw this twice :(

doin some research

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 03:52:47 GMT

View Poll: home state

public post of the lately

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:37:52 GMT

to those of you wondering why i've been scarce, well, i won't sugarcoat it, things here are bad. the few entries I've made have been super filtered lately. don't take it personally.

as another one of my friends said, "see you on the flip side". i'll still be around but i won't be social or active. all commissions etc will be processed as normal to the best of my ability.

for the people that keep asking, I DON'T KNOW. my living situation is still up the air. obviously there'll be an announcement or something when I figure out what I'm doing. Leaning towards one particular place (not in wisconsin, not in colorado) but it's nowhere near decided.

and yes, my kitty is fine and happy, throughout all of this, is with me and can come with me wherever i go, and is healthy and fed and playful... so to the one count i heard of some tard crying animal abuse on me... uh, fuck you. Maybe I can't take care of myself, but i take care of my animals.

this post will be made private when it's irrelevant, but it's up for now just to let people know that I'm in a bad place, as always, blah blah blah I know, but it's relatively serious now. if you really REALLY want more information feel free to email me, techno att robocoon dott net, but other than that i'm not going to be around "in public" on the internet aside from to handle commissions for a while.

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 11:25:33 GMT

I departed to come into Pittsburgh on the eve of it's 250th birthday. I travelled for a full 24 hours by bus, getting lost and re-routed and found again. Driving through the country, and then the suburbs, and then the outer city, before finally entering the Fort Pitt tunnel after a day long drive was like moving at light speed. The combination of the echoing roar of engines, the flashing lights, and the arc-shaped struts along the ceiling made it feel like moving through a wormhole and picking up more and more and more speed... And suddenly you breach, the rush is gone, the walls and ground drop out from underneath you, and you're in front of the most beautiful, massive, gleaming quasar in the entire universe. All of the lights of every building reflected off every bit of the rivers' mosaic, refracting over and over again and making an endless bed of stars. It might have been the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. No matter where I live, this will always be home.

THIS BREAD'S POWER LEVEL IS ABOVE 9000

Fri, 05 May 2006 18:58:28 GMT

SOURDOUGH BREADS OFTEN ARRIVE ON THE SHELVES AT SPEEDS IN EXCESS OF 70 MPH!